Friday, November 5, 2010

Dear Mormon Friends

Dear Mormon friends,

Please don't ever use the phrase
"I'm sorry you feel that way" ever again. Thank you.

Much love,

Captain Midnight

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I'll Take A Heaping Order of Gay, Please.

This video is almost enough to make me go straight:


But then I just have to watch this video and everything's back to normal:


Yeah, ain't nothin' ever gonna make me not gay.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Good Lord I'm Gay

I often pride myself in the fact that I'm not one of those gays who is into musicals. I hate all the songs from Wicked, Rent, Les Miserables, and countless others. PBS aired the show Cats once and for some reason I watched it, scratching my head the entire time wondering what the hell was going on. And above all, I absolutely cannot stand watching Glee anymore.

However, I must admit that I'm a closet Barbra fan, and I actually do enjoy a lot of the older musicals out there both of the Barbra variety or otherwise (Hello Dolly, The Music Man, The Sound of Music, etc). Last night I finally watched Funny Girl, and *shock* I really liked it.

Fast forward to today: I have been awake and at work for two hours, and it already feels like the longest day in creation. I was literally about to break down and cry, so I decided to take a break and go for a walk. While walking Barbra suddenly started singing at me in my head, and - it makes me feel horribly horribly tacky to say this - I started feeling better.

The moral of the story: I am a big ol' queermosexual, and I love me some Barbra.

Friday, July 16, 2010

The Town Whore

I'm going to Vegas this weekend for my cousin's mission homecoming. Though my immediate family has pretty much come to terms with me being gay, my cousin's family doesn't know for the most part. I just realized that I will be clearly not partaking of the sacrament this Sunday in front of a good portion of my extended family. The thing is, I really don't care.

I've had to not partake of the sacrament in front of immediate family a handful of times, and instead of the shame I'm sure they think I feel, instead I feel almost a sense of whorish pride. It makes me feel like I've just walked into sacrament meeting as the old-fashioned Southern town prostitute in my flashy red dress and cheeks rouged to the nines, and I like that feeling for some reason.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Mommy May I?

One trend I have noticed in Mormon gays during the coming out process is the intense fear of making parents unhappy or disappointed. Many gays I have talked to have said that they wish they weren't gay because it's so hard on their mothers. The ones that haven't come out to their parents yet are often terrified that they will be major disappointments. Many fear they will not be loved anymore.

Some of these gays have also said that they can't pursue a gay life because of this fear of making parents unhappy. They have said that if they got a boyfriend, their parents would never truly be happy for them, even if they came to accept it. They feel that it would be better for them to be closeted and miserable but have their parents be happy than have them be out and satisfied but have their parents be disappointed.

All I can say (and I hope Sarah Palin can forgive my word choice) is that this reasoning is retarded.

The happiness of my family is, of course, a major concern for me. I would do most anything for them. However, when I was 23 I came to the decision that I was tired of fighting who I really was, and I wanted to find a boyfriend and live life as a gay man. I knew that my parents would not approve of this decision, but I knew that I would never be happy if I didn't pursue it. I don't say this to be dramatic, but if I had not made that choice, I would most likely be dead today. In this one aspect of my life, I put my desires before the desires of my family. I don't regret that decision.

Now that I am out to my family and they know that I have a boyfriend, I can honestly say that I am the happiest I have ever been, and my relationship with my family has never been healthier. Have I made my parents incredibly sad through this process? Definitely. Even though they accept me and my boyfriend, do they wish I weren't gay? I'm sure that is the case. Do I care that they would wish that? Not at all.

The fact of the matter is, I am gay, I have a boyfriend, I am happy, and I don't think that I am selfish for being happy about it. I don't worry if I have disappointed my parents by pursuing who I feel I really am because it's really not up to them whether I like boys or girls. Just like it's not up to them whether I'm born with brown eyes or blue. They could rail against me for feeling that I am right handed if they felt left was correct, but that wouldn't change the fact that I am right handed. Allow me the use of the cliché "we can't please everybody." There are many thing we should do to please our parents/family. We should always treat them kindly and strive to serve them. We cannot, however, fight our sexual orientation in order to please them.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

No Regrets

There seems to be a common theme among gay mormon blogs lately, and I wanted to chip in. "Am I happy to be gay?"

I can definitively say that since the day I admitted to myself that I was gay and I didn't want to deny it any longer, I have never for one instance wished I weren't gay. I can honestly say that I LOVE being gay. Does that mean I make my life one gigantic rainbow parade? No. Like Chedner I don't see being gay as "just another characteristic" of my persona. I love who I am. I love where my life is. I love my boyfriend and my group of supportive friends. I would be lying to myself if I said that I would be mostly the same person if I weren't gay. I can honestly say, if given the choice to magically turn straight, I would not take it. I value who I am too much to trade it away. This post got all sappy and "I love myself" very fast. Oh well.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Honor Code Spies

About a week ago, my boyfriend and I talked to someone who used to work for the Honor Code office at BYU. This person is gay, and he used to chat with people on a fake profile on connexion . What we didn't know before was that (according to what he told us about a week ago) he had been told by officials at the Honor Code office to create this fake profile to catch gay BYU students.

I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. It seemed ridiculous to me that the HCO would commission its employees to commit a form of identity theft (via using someone else's photos to create a profile on a social networking site). Having seen the workings of the HCO firsthand though, I know that such practices wouldn't be beyond them. Ethics have no place in the HCO.

In response to this shocking revelation, Rev. Dennis Busch of eGRACE International has instituted a new program to verify that online profiles are not being used by Honor Code spies. If you would like to certify your online profile, whether it be connexion, facebook, myspace, etc., please follow this link and register. Together with eGRACE, we can all create a more secure online environment.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

One In A Million

Sometimes I am reminded of how gay I was when I was younger and it makes me wonder how I managed to still tell myself I wasn't gay. One such instance happened tonight. Miss Congeniality was on TV and my friend Austin was watching it. Then at the following part of the movie, both of us started singing along, and we both admitted that we loved the song when we were younger. How did I not know I was gay when I liked songs like this?