Sunday, August 30, 2009

Quick Update

I just got off the phone with my mom. She said my sister (who doesn't know I'm gay) called her (just for background purposes, I have two sisters, one that knows I'm gay already and one that doesn't, and one brother who doesn't know). Anyway, this sister asked my mom if I'm gay. I talked to my mom a few days ago and told her that if anyone asks she is allowed to tell them. So my mom told my sister that yes, I'm gay.

My mom emphasized that my sister loved me so much and she just wanted me to be happy. She said that my sister had asked my brother if he thought I was gay, and he said, "If he were it wouldn't change how I feel about him. I just love him so much." My mom kept saying that they all love me, and of course they wish there were a way I would still wish to be active in the church, but they want me to be happy.

Possibly the most interesting part is that my mom said when she prays about me she always gets a peaceful feeling and knows that everything is alright. I was really glad to hear that. When my mom first found out about me, she cried every night worrying about me. I'm glad that she at least now has peace about it.

I can't believe how much progress I've made with my family. I wish all gay mormons could be so lucky.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Innuendo

I love sexual innuendo. I don't have any thoughts about that to post here, but I do want to share my two favorite Saturday Night Live sexual innuendo skits. Enjoy!

First, Colonel Angus:


Second, Prince Charles:

Friday, August 7, 2009

Roommates

So my bf and I live in an apartment with two other roommates. They are moving out at the end of the month though, and we need to find replacements. So if you're looking for somewhere to live in Provo, either leave me a comment or send me an email (link on my profile). Thanks :)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Testimony

Is it bad that I'm grateful I never had a real testimony of the church? When I was an active member, I wanted more than anything to believe. I prayed endlessly to know if the church was true. Yet I never got an answer. On my mission I identified the two major lapses in my belief of the church. I had never felt that Jesus was the son of God, and I never felt that Joseph Smith was a prophet. No matter how hard I tried, I could not feel any closer to Jesus and I couldn't feel that Joseph Smith had really been called of God. I read the New Testament so I could know of Jesus' mortal ministry. I prayed again and again to have a testimony, but still I just didn't believe in him. When I finally decided to come out, it was partially because I'd never had a testimony of the church and I didn't see a point in hiding who I really was because of a church I didn't believe in.

Now, as I read other blogs of gay mormons, I see that a lot of them are torn between their firm testimonies of the church and their homosexuality. Reading these blogs makes me grateful that I never had a testimony to tear me apart like that. So that's why I'm asking: Is it bad that I'm grateful I never believed?