Monday, July 27, 2009

Guess I'm More Obvious Than I Thought

Today I was chatting online with a girl I worked with at my old job. She always used to ask me if I'd been out with any girls, and I'd always say no. Since it was a BYU job, I didn't want to get in trouble, so I just pretended like I was a lonely bachelor. Here's how a bit of our conversation went.

HER: dating anyone lately?
ME: haha. what do you think?
HER: nope. why so anti-dating?
ME: haha. you don't want to know
HER: uh maybe i do. or maybe i hve an assumption.... that could turn into a correction if someone wanted it to be...
ME: oh? i'm curious
HER: eh. if it's wrong it might hurt your feelings. if i'm right, then i'm right.
ME: haha. i'm pretty sure it's not wrong
HER: are you gay.....
ME: yep
HER: oh. i kind of figured that

I've been wanting to tell her for a long time, but I've just been too lazy/scared to do so. I'm glad she figured it out on her own, and I'm not embarrassed or anything that she was able to tell. I've never been one to think it's shameful to seem gay. I'm positive most of us can agree that there is nothing wrong with being gay, but some of us probably have a problem with people who seem gay (as in, you can tell by looking at or listening to them). I don't mind people like that, and I don't mind if people can tell that about me. I was however shocked by what she said after that.

She said the other girl I worked with had suspected and my BOSS had suspected as well. Haha. I was so shocked that my boss would figure it out. I guess I didn't give her enough credit. Since my job was at BYU I assumed that my coworkers would be more naive and more willing to give the benefit of the doubt like most Mormons do, eg: "He's not gay, he's just more in touch with his emotions" or "He's not gay, he's just artisic" etc. But no, they saw right through me. Haha. I hope now they will understand why I had to leave that job. It was the most perfect job I'll probably have for a long time, but I couldn't stay because I had to get out of BYU.

In the rest of our conversation she assured me that she's a free-thinker because she was "raised on the east coast" and that it's no big deal. I know that she's pretty religious though (she's a semi-recent convert, and she frequently bears her testimony on her blog), so I'm not sure how she really feels about me having a boyfriend, but she did seem pretty supportive. I'm planning on going back to my old work to visit this week, and if anything else interesting happens now that I'm "out" there, I'll let you know. It mostly just feels good to being one step closer to being completely out. Someone just needs to kick me and force me to come out to my two remaining siblings who don't know. Haha.


Ezra said...

Having been raised in New England, I can attest that Mormons on the east coast are very different than those Utards.

Joe Conflict said...

I guess I dated just enough to prevent those questions from being asked. But yes, members of the church do tend to culturally correspond to wherever they live.

D-Train said...

I need more intelligent friends like you. I have been told by more than a couple moho's that I am a pretty big blip on the gaydar (despite the fact that I always thought I was discrete).

But every time I come out to someone it is like, "WTF?! I would have never guessed." And it is not just people trying to be nice to me; my friends aren't quite that type. Anyway, it must be nice when they figure it out on their own.