Monday, November 17, 2008

Acceptance

Right now, the thing I want more than anything in the world is for my family to accept that I have a boyfriend, and to treat us like a couple. My family doesn't know that I'm even dating someone. My parents think that I'm trying to "be good" and not act on my homosexuality, and since this creates less waves, I haven't told them otherwise. Yet I want so much for everyone to know about it so that I'm not viewed as the "single one" anymore. Every family gathering I'm surrounded by married couples with children, and I'm automatically put in a different category because I don't have a "spouse."

If I were straight and my boyfriend were a girl (that's a lot of "ifs" but play along) we would definitely be married by now, and probably pregnant (by Mormon standards). There have been so many occasions where I've wanted to just say that I'm not single to everyone. It's really not that bad to pretend you're not dating someone, but at the same time, the single lifestyle is different from the "attached" lifestyle. For example, my mom was talking about how maybe I'd have to go move in with my grandparents because they're not doing so well these days. And while I'd be very eager to help them out, and I'd be willing to move in with them if necessary, that's something that only a single person could be expected to do, really. My mom wouldn't think of asking my sister to go live with my grandparents. My sister has a husband and kids. She can't be expected to go take care of grandma. In my mom's mind, I'm unattached, so it would be no problem for me to move in with them. In reality though, I live with my boyfriend, and I depend on him. I have a really hard time sleeping when he's not next to me. I get sad if we're apart for even one day. We're basically married, just without the official certificate.

Anyway, I think I'm rambling right now, but that's what's on my mind. I wish it weren't so difficult to have a gay relationship in Mormon culture. I just want to bring my "spouse" home for Thanksgiving and have everyone be alright with it. Is that too much to ask?

1 comment:

Gay LDS Actor said...

My boyfriend is going through much of what you are with your family. Main difference: he's Pentecostal, which I think is even harder than being gay and Mormon (never thought that was possible). It's tough. I wish you the best of success on your journey.