Thursday, October 30, 2008

A Bad Lunch...

The hardest thing about being gay is dealing with my family. I just had an awkward lunch with my sister today. She doesn't know I'm gay yet (unless she has guessed it already) but she can tell I'm getting farther from the church. I love my family so much, but I can't live a life in the church just because they want me to. I have to do what I feel is right, even if others strongly believe I will be damned for it. I'm doing what is right for me, what I sense I need to do. At the end of lunch, my sister said that she only wanted me to be happy. I wanted to tell her that the church doesn't make me happy. The church makes me feel inadequate. The church made me want to kill myself. When I was trying to be active in the church I was depressed nearly every day. I carried pills around with me in my backpack in case I would finally get the courage to end my life. I was not happy then, and I've never been happier than I am right now. I didn't go into that much detail with her. Instead I just told her that I'm happy and that she shouldn't worry about me. I love my family, but if they could be more supportive of me, I would be as happy as I could possibly be. For now, I'm happy with who I am. I only hope that they will be too someday.

1 comment:

October Rising said...

i'm sure your parents will come around, it's just a matter of time.